Waiting in Hope

No matter how we tried to live this Lenten season, we may have found out that our chosen practice was not as easy to do, day after day, as we may have thought. Even something as simple as giving up chocolate becomes a challenge. Anything we decide to give up for Lent will never look so good to us as it looks ten minutes after we have given it up!

It becomes even more challenging if we tried to change some bad habit, be reconciled with someone, or take on some good devotional or charitable practice. We may have started this with every good intention. However, it becomes very hard to follow through on such a commitment, day after day after day. We could encounter misunderstanding, criticism or ridicule from some people. But, what is often worse, we may encounter resistance within our very selves. It may feel like a heaviness, a weight, that blocks any change for the better we try to make. It may feel like a kind of restlessness, or a spirit of more intense critique of others (especially others who don’t seem to be living their Catholic Christian commitment very well). We may find ourselves wanting to do anything else but this commitment we have undertaken. It may start to feel dull and confining. The people around us – at home, at work, at school, in the parish – will also begin to feel dull, confining, limited, almost hopeless. “If only I was somewhere else” – we begin to think – “I could be a better person, a better Catholic”. We will become extremely busy. We’ll want to do anything rather than face the real task, which is, “What do I need to do, today, to be faithful to my commitment to the Lord and to his people?”

This feeling of heaviness, resistance, and restlessness was known to the first Christian hermits and monks. They called it acedia, the “noonday devil”. They considered it a greater danger than lust or pride or anger or any other temptation. It is not only an ancient temptation. Many people wonder whether acedia is the primary weakness or sin of contemporary American culture. Check out a book like Acedia And Me by Kathleen Norris.

Or, check out these lines from Saint John Cassian, who spent time in the ancient monasteries of Egypt in the late fourth century and wrote two books about what he learned – The Institutes and The Conferences. Here is a quote from The Institutes about how acedia affects a monk. Change “monastery” to “workplace” or “school” or “family” or “parish”, and the description may prove more relevant and psychologically astute than we may like:

Once this has seized possession of a wretched mind it makes a person horrified at where he is, disgusted with his cell, and also disdainful and contemptuous of the brothers who live with him or at a slight distance, as being careless and unspiritual. Likewise it renders him slothful and immobile in the face of all the work to be done within the walls of his dwelling: It does not allow him to stay still in his cell or to devote any effort to reading. He groans quite frequently that spending such a long time there is of no profit to him and that he will possess no spiritual fruit for as long as he is attached to that group of people. He complains and sighs, lamenting that he is bereft and void of all spiritual gain in that place inasmuch as, even though he is capable of directing others and of being useful to many, he is edifying no one and being of no help to anyone through his instruction and teaching. 2. He makes a great deal of far-off and distant monasteries, describing such places as more suited to progress and more conducive to salvation, and also depicting the fellowship of the brothers there as pleasant and of an utterly spiritual cast. Everything that lies at hand, on the contrary, isharsh, and not only is there nothing edifying among the brothers who dwell there but in fact there are not even any of the necessities of life to be obtained there without a huge effort. Thereupon he says that he cannot be saved if he remains in that place. He must leave his cell and get away from it as quickly as he can, for he will perish if he stays in it any longer.  – Institutes, X, II, 1-2

The remedy that the ancient Fathers and Mothers prescribed for acedia is basically patient endurance. Remain at our daily tasks and honor our primary commitments, they will tell us. Seek the Lord’s help at every moment. Persevere in doing the right, until the spell of acedia passes. This is because the main temptation we feel when under the spell of acedia is to flee our commitments, to break faith with the Lord and with others in our lives. Remain where we most need to be, the Fathers and Mothers tell us. Acedia will pass. Christian joy will return.

Here, our model is Mary Magdalene, who appears in today’s Gospel reading. In spite of a great deal of outward resistance to Jesus and his disciples, she follows him to Jerusalem. She is one of the few who is there at the Crucifixion. She goes to Jesus’ tomb after the sabbath to anoint his body for burial – because there was no time after Jesus died to do so before the sabbath would begin. Even when it appears to her that Jesus’ body has been taken away, she remains at the tomb. She remains with Jesus no matter what. She witnesses his sufferings and death. She faces her own grief, and does not run away or seek distractions of any kind. She remains faithful, no matter what. It is no surprise, then, that the risen Lord comes to her first, calls her by name, renews her spirit, and sends her forth as the “apostle of the apostles” to announce the good news of the Resurrection to the Twelve. She has not given in to acedia, nor to doubt, nor to despair. Now she is ready to receive this overflowing grace.

 

So it is with us. When acedia, the “noonday devil”, seeks to have us give up the good fight of faith, lose ourselves in busyness, distractions, the addictions of the moment, we need to hang in there. We need to face our own weaknesses, our own fears, our own listlessness or boredom, and to realize that distractions are not the answer. The answer is a renewed, steadfast commitment to all that the Lord has given us, a commitment made in faith and hope – hope that, in spite of our dullness of heart, the Lord will come to us at last, speak our name, and rekindle in us the fire of his love, just as he did for Mary Magdalene and others who endured those very painful days before that first Easter. We wait in hope for the Lord to bring our drooping hearts back to life. We can’t do it on our own. No amount of “busyness” can do it. Only the Lord can do it, and only our daily faithfulness to every commitment we have undertaken in the Lord’s name can open our hearts to the Lord’s grace.

Come, Lord Jesus. Send forth your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Enkindle in them, once again, the fire of your love. Pour forth your Spirit, and you will renew not only us, but the face of the earth!